A Radio Interview with Martin Riley

Part 1: the business side

by Peter Wilson of Eastbourne Radio

Peter Wilson: Hello and welcome once again to My Business and My Music.  Today’s businessman is Martin Riley from Re-Balance.  He operates in the Bexhill and the whole of the South East areas.  He started as a Re-balance coach in 2006 and has become well-known for his professionalism and high standard of work.

Martin, why did you become a re-balance coach?

Martin Riley: Well, about 14 years ago I joined the leadership industry, in leadership development, which is to do with performance coaching - and what I found was that you can layer skills, you can help people look at where they really want to go. But what I found very often is that there are deeper issues at play in making changes. Unless you address those issues, people are not really going to go forward in the way they want to. So I wanted to learn how to deal with those issues in a really profound manner. Over the years that’s what I’ve been learning to do at deeper and deeper levels. I felt that it was really time to bring it to it’s full fruition which is what I’ve done with Re-Balance.

So who in the main are your clients?

Anybody who wants more of what they have or anybody who wants less of what they don’t want. It can be anybody in any kind of situation in life but very often it’s to do with relationships. That’s what people seem to care about most. When their relationships are going well people are very happy and when they’re not people tend to be very unhappy, so a lot of my work is around relationships.

Now this programme is My Business and My Music, so what’s the first piece of music that you’ve brought along today?

The first piece is Put your Lights on by Carlos Santana featuring Everlast who’s an American, white, rap artist.

Why did you choose that?

One, I just like the sound and the feel of it, it’s got some edge, it’s a bit gritty, but again it’s about the work I do.  Here’s Everlast who’s had a very difficult life.  He’s come from a rough background.  He has obviously faced his demons and he’s talking about that in the song.  What I particularly like is he sings “we’ve all got a purpose to serve, so let the light shine” . I really like the way that comes out of someone who’s been through his pain.

Did you have any problems setting up your business?

Well the short answer is no.  For me it was a very natural progression from what I used to do. For me it was following my life path. Following flow of energy to where my life wanted to go - which I think is very important for anybody. But if there’s a yes to your question, the biggest challenge has been that I sign clients off.  Typically I see people for 6-10 sessions whilst we’re doing the core work then there is a phase of integration where they take that into their life learn to deal with things or move forward in the way they want, without me being involved.  And then we’re done! So the biggest challenge for me is I actually need a high turnover of new people coming to see me and that’s probably the biggest challenge, I’m a victim of my own success.

So how do you get your clients?

A lot of it is by word of mouth, that’s the main way. People meeting me personally because trust is a big part of what I do. People need to feel that if they are going to do this sort of work they want to be working with someone they feel comfortable with. That they can talk to that person about almost anything, because that again is key.  So that’s one side of it, but I do get second-hand referrals particularly from other people in similar fields who are working with people in a place of change; say, family lawyers might be one example, or other therapists, people in the fitness industry. People working with people who want to change their lives are often refer.

So take me through the process… I’m somebody that has been referred to you and I think it’s a good idea. I’ve got a problem with my life. What happens when I come to see you?

Well first I wouldn’t necessarily say “ a problem with my life”. I think it’s quite important that people don’t see this as just about solving problems. It’s really about when people want more from their life – they want to enrich their lives and that’s not always a problem – so the first thing that would happen is that we’d have a brief chat by phone to discuss what you wanted to work on. Then assuming we’re were both happy to proceed, we’d meet and look at: what is it that you’d want from us spending time working together? What would you want from the time and the effort of turning up and my commitment to you and your commitment to the process? - What is it you’d want? We’d look at that and agree what is it you want and can I realistically help you get there. If I don’t think it’s realistic – which hasn’t actually happened – then there’s no point in us starting.

It also helps you get very clear what it’s all about for you.  From there, we then make an estimate how much time the process will take, how many sessions we think are going to be involved and what are the financial costs? And from there it’s a case of saying “yes, we want to do this, or we don’t”

If we did go ahead, would we be typically working for a year or two?

Well that’s the beauty, I think, of this process.  In standard therapy a year or two might be  very common. We’re able to make profound changes in 6-10 sessions on average – that’s a very standard period of time for a number of sessions. Then we have the integration sessions that are a little harder to judge, but we may be talking say 2, 4, 6 additional sessions – that really varies.  So that can be a huge difference compared to what’s often offered in therapy. Compared to life coaching [in general], we’re going a lot deeper. We’re making more profound changes. In life coaching, you’re often doing a similar number of sessions, but we’re going deeper and work at a more profound level.

And what sort of issues come up in a typical session with somebody?

When you say “issues”, do you mean what sort of things that they want to work on?

That’s right.

Like I say, relationships is a big one – often it’s people in partnerships. Either the love has gone or the love has changed or it can be people who aren’t getting as much love as they’d like.  I could be working with somebody who’s had a couple of marriages and is questioning “why aren’t relationships working for me?”

It could be people in a family, where the mum’s very busy, the husband’s working very hard. The children have now grown up so they’re teenagers and it just feels like life is one endless round of obligations and duties - and why are they doing it?  Where’s the fun gone?  Where’s the joy of life gone?  And they’re wondering “what’s next, how do I have more from it all?”

So those are a couple of examples.  I’ve worked with a young adult in her early 20s who was just very unhappy with life and didn’t really know where it was going. So for her it was a big adventure.  We  did a lot of soul searching and really looked at where her life had been and where it could go. And it’s been lovely to see the transition that’s taken place for her. 

But really I work with people in any position – people who might be in a career and wondering why they’re not getting the promotion they’re looking for – a promotion that  they’ve been chasing for months - if not years  - and they just don’t seem to get the promotion! They’re wondering why? And we can help them move that on.

After looking at the information on your website, your services look absolutely fantastic, how many services would you say you offer?

One!

Just the one, fair enough!

Have a better life, or enrich your life.  But really, the four main areas we’re looking at are:

Are you enjoying your life itself, does it feel like you are on a path that’s meaningful to you? They’re what I’d say are the four typical areas that people come and work with us on.

So what does life mean to you?  How would that be expressed when somebody comes to see you?

Well my view is we all have a life force that we need to be true to - like you’ll see with a musician. If they’ve got music in their blood you can see it when it’s being expressed. There’s a joy, a real vitality about them when that’s present in their life in some form. It doesn’t matter if it’s their paid life or their passion. I think we have so many demands placed on us, we have so many things that we feel we should do or that we must do and it’s very easy to lose touch with what really is our driving force.  What really is the thing that makes us vital to life?  So my view of life is about getting back in touch with what is true for us.

Martin, tell me about the work that you do with family relationships.

Well they’re numerous.  They’re parents to children, where particularly, as I say, the children are now teenagers and that lovely bundle of fun has now changed and the teenagers feel like the parents don’t understand them – they’re always on their back, they’re hassling them, chasing them, getting them to do things they just don’t want to do, and the parents are wondering why they have such rebellious children. Children who don’t seem to appreciate everything they do for them.  The parents are loving, caring and want the best for them. But it just feels like home has become an uncomfortable, stressful, not quite war zone - but in some cases it does feel like that.  So that’s a typical example.

Or the parents are struggling with each other, that life has moved on, everybody’s busy – it’s hard to remember why they’re all together, why the parents are together, why they’re living this life. It’s just got so busy and full and it’s a little hard to see where it’s going.

And you can help with those sorts of issues?

Yes. What I do is I help people get in touch with what’s really important to them. So much of the time we’re busy and life is complex. It’s easy to lose track. I help people get back in touch with what really matters to them about their life.  So often people are with the people they love and care about - but all the day-to-day grind, all the little resentments have built up. So it’s easy to lose track of what’s important.

With some people things have moved on. People have changed or their relationships have changed. People are staying in relationships that they now resent and begrudge.

It wouldn’t be right for me to give direct advice. What I do is I help people in touch which what they really do want! I help people explore what they’re getting it in their lives. Are they getting what they truly want. If not, why not? What would need to change?  How can they move things along in a truly authentic for a more fulfilled life?

Now time for your next piece of music.  What’s that?

That is Path of Love by Atman, who, as best I know is a Hindi musician who pulls influences from all around the World.

And why did you choose that?

It has a similar sort of message. I particularly like the introduction – it sounds like a presenter [Richard Burton?]. He’s talking about an extraordinary life - but really he’s referring to a very ordinary life. I think we all forget sometimes how extraordinary our ‘ordinary’ lives are.  How many ripples occur, how many people we touch in our own lifetime - and it’s good to be reminded of that.

Continue to Part 2: The Personal Side...